Why they never, or could understand us.

While having dinner some nights ago, "My Friend" asked me, "what are you going to do? Form Six or work?". I answered honestly "i don't know". After a few seconds of silence, i opened my mouth and said " i want to do what God wants me to do". "My Friend" looked at me with curiosity and asked me "what is it?" You see "My Friend" is a non-christian, "My Friend" is different race and religion. I told "My Friend", i want to do something else which people would not chose to be, i want to be a missionary(perhaps), going into jungle, spread the Good News ( i didn't use the word Christian, or Christianity, to offend "My Friend") and help out there. "My Friend" told me, "Melvin, if you want to help people, do charity works, then you work hard now, be successful first, then only do your charity works". Note the word "charity"? I don't blame "My Friend", because he/she had not heard of the word "missionary" and their job. In "My Friend" context, missionary = volunteer. Going out and helping people out, that's it!

Just like normal human being, i too has my own dreams i want to accomplish. But i know, i don't hold any certificate such as Diploma, Degree, PhD, Masters and any other infamous certificate. Because i cant afford to pay so much for studies. But i still can go work, find jobs which can pay me a lot than those who having certificate. Example, my dad working's place, there's this Chinese guy, who sells soy beans, which he is the distributor to many people. People will look down at his job, tell him that he's poor, and he's filthy dirty. But you know what, he's HAPPY with his job, earning enough for his family, BUT the main thing is he's contented with it(because he OWNS a BMW 5 series, other BMW's of different series, vans and a small shop which sells Fish Head noodles for RM8).

As for me, if i EVER chose to follow God's part, then it's a suicide thing. I'm now on the 23Th floor, standing, on top of the balcony. If i chose God's path, then i shalt jump down, if i chose to do something which God didn't ask me to do, but i want to do it, then i will go back to the lift and go to the lobby and walk off. If i want to do serve for God, then i have to die to myself. Which means, letting go of dreams of being "successful", letting go of the Alphard and BMW all this while I'm eyeing on, letting go of happy times with family and friend and letting go of recognitions. But it doesn't have to be future plans, it could be the present plans. Which means, i might have to leave my computer, car and any items and interest back. And this scares me a lot. A lot!

In 5 years time down the road, my friends will be successful with their first new cars, certificates, and the jobs they do, but meanwhile for me, i don't know what will become of me. I might be as poor as now at that time, i might be working as missionary at that time, earning not even close to what my friends earn. I might be driving at 4x4 third hand 4-Wheel drive with botak tires and faulty gearbox, which is covered with mud, and no air cond. I might have a house, at some jungle, and they will live in luxury house. The night they go out to have dinner with their girlfriends, i'm having dinner with orang asli, eating plain rice, with fried fish.

This is why many people dont know what is missionary! Because people are scared of becoming one, and reaching out. If there is some amount of missionaries, then people from the outside world will know who are us, what are we trying to do. Trust me, being "succesful" as in carrer and property is not always can be counted as "succesful". My dad's boss, who is a millionaire, but a free thinker has 4 children. 3 of them are sons and 1 is a daughter. Both his first and second son is working with him, after went studying at Monash, and going to overseas. But his daughter, has another plan. She went on to different countries and helping people out. I dont know if she's a Christian, or just doing it because she has compation which her dad doesnt have, but LOOK she could have come back to Malaysia, and start her own business, buy a Mercedes , dress to kill, but why did she choose some path which will make he "downgrade" herself? This my friend, is called dying to self. Even if she is not a Christian, but she chose not to follow the world's way, but decides to help people out.

It's kinda late now, and i think i have done this essay now, haha. I thank all those who managed to read the whole thing, and take sometime to ponder, on what i have written. I know i have said something wrong, or my spelling or the wrong words i use might be wrong, please excuse the errors.

Me-lvin^_~

P.S. Do remember in your prayers!